I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
