yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
