why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
