I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My ass is underappreciated
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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