Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
