I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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