how can u be prego again
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
