I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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