3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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