It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
