i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
