So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
