i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
