Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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