I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
