I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
