even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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