Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
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