Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
