I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
