I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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