I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
