I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
