I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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