I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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