I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
