i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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