i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
