Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
