My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
