i think i have herpe
just one?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
