Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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