he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
