thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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