no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
