He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
