Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
