This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
