I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
