Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We got so high we made milksteak
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
