this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Let's get the cat blown out
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
