My nipple is on Facebook.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
