woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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