Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
