I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
