I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
