When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
