I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
