Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
