omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize