Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
