Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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