i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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