Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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