I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
