Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
