New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
