We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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