Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
