My balls are so social today.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
