Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize