When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you made out with another girl for some wings
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
