So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
