i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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