i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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