He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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