I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize