I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
