Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
