If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
