Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
