are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
